Methinks They Sometimes Doth Declutter Too Much

(Photograph of Sheila & John Peel taken from BBC website)

People laugh at me. I'm probably known as the Clutter Queen behind my
back, and yes, they (whoever "they" are) may well have a point..I have
vastly more "stuff" than I could ever need.
And yet, I have an uncomfortable feeling about parts of the passion for
"de-cluttering" that seems to have blossomed these days, fuelled by such
programmes such as "Life Laundry" and "Houses Behaving Badly".

I've been prompted to think about this by an article in the newspaper
today, referring to Sheila, widow of much loved DJ John Peel, who
died almost a year ago. She is quoted as saying that she cannot bear to
part with his record collection - and my first thoughts were "why on
earth SHOULD she?"

There still seems to be an assumption that people are delayed in
"getting over" a bereavement if they cannot start to part with the
possessions of the deceased. While it is true that it might be
impossible to retain all the items, the urging towards disposal can, I
think, do much more harm than good. In the case of bereavement, it MUST
be an act which is taken at the bereaved person's own pace, without
guilt being added to (some almost ALWAYS exists already if one is
bereaved) by outside pressure to "get rid of all that stuff".

But even in the case of household cleaning and clearing, it disturbs me
to watch TV programmes with people being pressurised to dispose of items
which may be trash to the makers and presenters, but are clearly highly
symbolic items to the person in question. I have seen real distress with
some people as they are urged to throw photographs, letters, and other
personal items into the "crusher" - when they would be better served by
help to process the memories associated with those items before they are
dispensed with. I wonder how much therapy is offered to participants? - I
would imagine the time scales and budgets within  which the programmes
are made do not stretch to include this act of compassion.

So a plea to the makers of these programmes....It may just be "stuff" to
the outside world, but to the subject, it is a real part of their life
that they are being asked to throw away - please, don't do it in the
name of "entertainment"!

Comments

[Linda]

I agree with your view that the decluttering shows sometimes go too far. It's one thing to discard excess paper or disposable plastic containers--it's another matter entirely to discard something that you cherish because it was given to you by someone you love or because you value how you received it. When the participants are forced to give up something that can never be replaced, I'm sure they will have major regrets. I know that I would. Yes, I'm a packrat and clutterbug, and I believe that people should be allowed to keep the items that are valuable to them. I wonder sometimes about the people who participate in these shows--what were they expecting would happen? All I know is that when I faced my mountain of clutter and wished for help, my daughter said, "Mom, you're not ready for Clean Sweep!" And she's right! Better to baby step my way to clutterfree living and find a way to honor the possessions that hold valuable memories! By the way, I enjoy reading your posts; I've just been lurking in the background!

[Fran]

I read this at CJ and then didn't comment, but I'm a collector myself who is always feeling guilty about it. Right now, with interior construction of another bathroom going on, all my chachtkes are covered in dust. I do have 3 big boxes of stuff for the Salvation Army, however. I guess I've never seen a decluttering show on TV, but I don't watch much TV. My former housemate is a clinical psychologist who specializes in OCD--and often goes right to the client's homes to help declutter. As for getting rid of stuff when someone dies, I think the person involved has to decide when the time is right. My friend Barbara left her dead husband's clothing in the closet and on the chair where he left it until she began seriously dating someone a year later.

[Britt-Arnhild]

Roz, I agree with you. Why on earth shall we always try to get rid of things. I could never live in a minimalist home. I am surrounded by memories, memories from 25 years with my beloved husband, memories from raising 4 kids, from my past, from our travels, from my friends and so on and so on.

[Gwyn]

Thank you for saying this. In this second half of my life, I'm learning to rid myself of those things unnecessary and unimportant, always things I no longer need, or meaningless trinkets. NEVER photographs or old letters or the life. That is something with which I take issue as well. I've read in some of the books that hanging on doesn't allow you to move forward. That stuff is the stuff of history, and just as in the Big Events of history, we can only learn from it if we study it.

So thank you for expressing this so well.
Simplicity is to be sought--simplemindedness is not!