Autumn Cottage Diarist

A Strange Samhain

Well - here we are again, on the threshold of Samhain 2020, and it's so different to any marking of the end of the Celtic/Pagan festival year than I have experienced before. It's normally a time of peaceful reflection, when I sit in the summer house, set up an Ofrenda for my beloved Ancestors and Loved Ones, light the candles, remember and honour them in tranquility.

Not this year - This year, the year of COVID-19, the year of confusion, of the unknown, of the unexpected, of the unwelcome - this year is different. From the death of my dear cat Pip back in February, to the alien world of Lockdown and then social distancing, mask wearing, vigilant sanitary precautions and a whole world of uncertainty about how to behave and how to relate to our fellow human beings, even for somebody such as myself who has not been personally touched with tragedy through the Covid virus, the world is a very different and strange place to what it appeared to be this time last year.

Samhain is the time when we move down into the dark days of the year, when the natural world up here in the Northern Hemisphere starts to go into a period of rest, decline, death and decomposition. As we observe the nonhuman world enter this period, then so we are reminded of our own material, corporeal beings, our own mortal existence and the fact that this will also reach a point of decline, death and decomposition.  But also - if we observe in the long term - it will become clear to us that the decomposition is a vital precursor to feeding what will come after - the new life that WILL burst forth from the earth and will continue the circle of life.

These concepts have been, I must admit, both a poetical and a theoretical idea for me up until now; but during the last few months, I have had health issues which have caused me to very literally look death - briefly - in the face. My own mortality is now a thing of reality, rather than just an academic concept. It's a tough one to start to face, no doubt about that, but it's a fact that will become only too real to us all one day. I guess it's a privilege to be given the time to get used to the idea (a LONG time I hope!) rather than having Sister Death turn up and tap me on the shoulder, out of the blue with no warning.

And now, this very evening, our Prime Minister has held a news conference to tell us that we will all be going back in to a form of lockdown for another month, in order to try to quell the upsurge in Coronavirus cases, an increase which is threatening to be larger and even more devastating than the first surge of the virus in the early part of this year. The leavening to this serious news is that we are (supposedly) better prepared - more protective equipment and staff numbers for the National Health Service, more systems in place to support the economy and a well prepared and fast (15 minute) form of personally administered testing that will be available, distributed and coordinated by the army, to be available nationwide within days. (Hmm - I'll believe it when I see it; like politicians of all colours, promises are more easily made than kept!)

But there is a little light at Autumn Cottage in all this darkness… a little cat has joined the Cawley family. We have acquired “Fluffy”, a 14 year old tortoiseshell and white little lass from the local cat rescue organisation, after we were told that her age and health problems (she has a cardiac issue) meant that little interest was being shown in her; the possibilities for her adoption did not look very bright. Since we are none too sturdy ourselves at the moment, we thought we would all make a good match and could be three old fogies together! So far, that is exactly how things have turned out to be 😊

She is, as we were warned, “extremely nervous”, though after three weeks she is a great deal less nervous than she was. She is more or less left to her own devices, spends a good part of the day sleeping and the rest of the time eating tasty morsels & little biscuit treats and getting numerous cuddles and pets. It seems to be working well and it is certainly lovely to have another little living creature in the house, though it goes without saying that she will never be a replacement for our darling Pip, nor would we ever want her to be.

So, my friends, down we go into the dark days together here; I will be calling on all my creative resources to keep me going through the next few months. I'm undertaking a memoir writing course with the University of  Oxford at the moment that is keeping me busy both with my own writing, but also in devouring lots of wonderful biographies and memoirs written by others. I also intend getting my sewing machine into action again - though this requires a certain amount of clear space in which to work, which may well be a little time in coming, according to how the energy levels go. They are slowly returning, but it may well be a long job, so stick around to keep me company in the meantime (and enjoy this little video walk around the garden this afternoon)

 

The Veil is Thin…Honouring Those Who Have Gone Before

Early days - Dad's ex-RAF German Shepherds were my earliest friends

It's Halloween and in many places, little folk will be carving pumpkins, dressing up in spooky costumes, having fun parties and 'trick or treating' their way around neighbourhood houses. Maybe others will be following the Latino/Catholic traditions of the Days of the Dead, when the spirits of the Ancestors are thought to pay a return visit to their homes. Offerings and memorabilia are set out on home altars - both to 'greet the Spirits' - and to act as aids to remembering the dead.

Those - like myself - to whom the concept of the Pagan 'wheel of the year' makes sense - the cyclical travelling of the natural world (of which we are all part) through both summer and winter, through life, death and many forms of re-birth/re-emergence/resurrection, mark and celebrate this time of the year as the Quarter day of Samhain; it is an acknowledgement of the declining part of the cycle into the breakdown and decay of all that has grown - but a breakdown into components that will contribute to the cycle by providing the resources for future regrowth. All is as it should be.

The Ancestors and departed loved ones and their importance are also an important focus of contemplation and honouring at this time of the year - those that have grown, flourished, died and decayed in bodily terms before us - (both in our own family lines, but also in our wider communities). But they have left important nutrients to our own identities - the nutrients of memories, shared through story, which can feed us so vigorously , individually and communally, if we are prepared to engage with them.

They can feed our understanding of  ourselves by understanding our context - our place in the world, where we 'fit in' in the long, often fragmented and convoluted line of both our personal and community histories. They also contribute to who we have become by just being present at a particular time, in a particular place. I believe that this learning and this understanding can contribute to us a sense of  stability in what often seems a constantly more unstable world. 

My Mother - my human most Loved One of all and 'Weekie' the Westie

However…it is not only Human beings of whom I speak. You may notice in many of my posts the affinity I also  feel for non-human beings. To me, companion and other animals are as much a part of our communities as are our humans - they have contributed greatly to my life, made a difference to it, have shaped and influenced it, and have, in part, made me who I am.

So on this Samhain 2017, when the veil between me and the Others is thin and their presence - as memories  - is close, I share with you just a few images of the other Dear Ones that have been meaningful to my life. I would love it if you wanted to share some memories of your own non-human loved ones as well.

Feeding time on my Uncle's farm, a place and creatures that played a huge part in my childhood and love of the natural world

All creatures, great and small, are my companions at Autumn Cottage

My darling Lissie - 3 months old. As in this picture, never far from my heart.

Each one departed now - but they have all helped to make me who I am. Today, as the Great Wheel turns once more, I honour and thank them all.

Yahrzeit for Lissie

 

 I write often in the sunroom now.

at the Georgian desk,

French windows open onto the garden.

Sometimes summer outside…

Bees… the scent of lavender floating in;

Today, through misty rain.

 

Along an unplanned sightline

my eye rests in the bottom bed -

on  the terracotta urn,

and the flourishing hydrangea

above my Darling Girl.

 

I stand there, sometimes,

in silent conversation;

still waiting…

expecting

hoping

willing

 

Any moment,

her piebald form

to lope towards me -

emerging from the bushes,

chatting back  to me,

recounting her day.

 

Asking, as always,

only for her supper

and her rug to stretch upon,

to snooze and snore in the sun.

 

Through the four seasons

 she has slept;

wrapped in her blanket,

becoming the earth.

 

But even now, she sends me flowers.

 

© Roz Cawley,

August 2012

 

 

 

 

We Are Superior to Dogz!

Just a brief look in tonight, to show you Pip's latest session of posing...on top of the bookcase in my sitting room, where he has taken to presenting himself 'in the style of a famous painting'...or in his case, an Elizabeth Bradley embroidery, which hangs, framed, on the wall behind him.

Clearly there is no doubt in his mind as to Who Is the Handsomest of All? :-) - Now to find the matching embroidery kit of the Victorian tabby cat, which comes in the same collection.

Office Junior

In the office all day again today - which is not as easy as yesterday, when it poured with rain, and howled with wind. Today the sun is glorious again...but stuff at the keyboard needs to be done.

It's not all bad, though, when I have a little companion to keep me company. The office window is wide open, so Pip is happily coming and going through that. He has just attempted to catch a pheasant in the garden - which given the size of Pip and the size of the cock pheasant, was something of a non-runner for him - unlike the pheasant, who did ALL the running - finally fluttering off in a desultory fashion when he got sick of the little Pip-squeak!

I'm off down under the desk now - the Little Innocent in the photograph has just pulled out several cables from the back of my scanner which I can only reinstate with much crawling and fiddling....threats to chop off his tail and make pussycat stew for supper were met by his quick exit out through the window once again!

I feel a constitutional walk along "The Drove" coming on...this sunshine is all too enticing for me.

Safe

Here is Pip, occupying the position he has kept in my office since yesterday morning, except for when Lissie has been sitting there - they have both hardly left my side since the awful events of Wednesday night. Surely, they understand. Both Pip and Liss have also been extraordinarily affectionate to me, with much sitting upon my lap, purring and rubbing against my hand. Again, they understand. Cats seem to have a bypass straight to the heart, without needing to pass "Go" - or collect £200.00

The next image is just a thumbnail - click on it if you feel you can bear to have your heart touched deeply by seeing the full sized image. It is of Pip, saying "Goodbye" to Lily, which I encouraged him to do while I was digging her grave. This image is not gruesome, just immensely sad - but I felt that it was better for him that he could see, smell and gently wash his sister one last time, rather than just be mystified by her disappearance.

When I went to the post box to collect the mail yesterday lunchtime, I found these beautiful flowers, left by the young woman who had the misfortune to hit Lily. The two white flowers are - Lilies.

The kindness of strangers. Putting aside her own distress, which it was clear she felt when she alerted me to the accident, she came back and thought of me. I will not print her name, but I know some local residents read this Blog - if they know who she is, or if she herself is reading, please know that I am deeply touched by this gesture, and by her bothering to stop at all, so preventing any further mutilation of my little cat. Thank you so very much.

Finally, can I thank everyone who left comments here? Please forgive me if I do not reply to them all personally, just believe me when I say that each word meant so much to me.

Here's Lily's little grave - Goodnight, my sweet Princess.

My Beautiful Lily

I am so sorry to have to tell you all that just over two hours ago, my dear little girl was killed on the road outside the house, another beloved pet who has fallen victim to a passing car. Since the Newbury bypass was built ten years ago, the road has been so much quieter outside, but obviously still not quiet enough.

The young woman driver who had hit her was kind enough to knock and ask if I had a cat, and then direct me to her - I am so grateful that she was not left there on the road for other vehicles to run over her. Tomorrow, I will bury her in the garden of Autumn Cottage where she has played so happily all summer through.

I am heartbroken - I may well find Pip another, safer home while he is still young enough to settle elsewhere. I don't think I can bear any more heartache right now.

We Played and Played all Day...

This is Pippin, late last night, after all the kitties had spent their first whole day of springtime in the garden. I was outside for the longest time - and so, in turn, were they - chasing birds, bunnies, butterflies and each other, and having the most blissful time.

This was also Pip, however, at 11 am today - and Lily followed suit. Both so fast asleep this morning, instead of rattling the doors for their breakfast, that I thought there was something dreadfully wrong. All it was, in fact, was two little kittens staying out to play all day like grown up cats - then discovering that they still  really needed their naps much more than they thought they did!

Hospital Basket

Lily & Pippin made a scheduled visit to the vet yesterday, for their  "little operations" and though Pippin bounced around very boisterously last night, Lily is feeling the worse for wear today. (I did notice Pippin cooling his "nether regions" on the cold quarry tiles last night, however!)
Lily has hardly moved today, except to visit me in my office, where I am labouring over a Hot Essay. She squeezed herself most uncomfortably between two piles of books, so I have made her a more comfortable "sun bed" for her, where she can get some heat lamp treatment for her sore insides, feel sorry for herself and have lots of pats and cuddles.

Lissy is curled up on the printer - another "hot spot" in the room, and Pip is now bedded down on the angora travel rug. They are no fools, are they? :-)

My, How They've Grown!

Lily and Lissie unpack antiques from Hungerford Arcade for me!

The Little Ones are not so little any more! They are into all sorts of mischief and giving Lissie a run for her money at every opportunity. Here are a few "catch up" shots...mostly of Pippin in the most peculiar poses - a proper little show off, if ever there was one!

Pippin in the "I'm keeping my eye on you even if I am asleep" pose

Lily keeping an eye on the camera, as Pippin practises his "Shirley Temple, paw under the chin and I'm so cute" pose

The "Ownership (of the bed) is nine tenths of the Law" pose

And just to show that he can sometimes be just a bit more "normal" (though if anyone knows what that is in this house, please mail me!) -

The "Butter wouldn't melt in our mouths" pose